Today I wanted to profile the dinosaur with the most horns on our sister site shipdinosaurs.com … the grouchy and misunderstood Kosmoceratops.

(Cosmo-sarah-tops)

Meaning: Ornate horned face

Height: 6.5 ft

Length: 16ft

Weight: 2.7 tons

Age: 76 million years

Diet: Kosmo’s homeland Larimidia was lush with water lettuce, duckweed and other aquatic plants, so try your local aquarium for stock.

How about a Triceratops with 15 horns? As well as the usual one over each eye, on the nose, and two cheek horns, Kosmoceratops has another 10 folded over the top of its tall frill like a fringe.

Personality: Kosmo prefers to be in groups and can be grouchy on its own. Like modern day rhinos, its eyesight might not be too great, so like Stygimoloch, be careful when you approach to avoid spooking it.  

Dino Care: Your enclosure should be swampy with low-growing plants, so Kosmowon’t need to raise its heavy frill to feed. Bright flowers will make it flush its frill with color. Check regularly under the fringe horns for any debris.

Shipping: One of our most elaborate dinos, Kosmo is hard to reach and must be flown in from Utah’s Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument. We then ship it via cargo train, so if it escapes and charges, we can decouple for a quick getaway!

Delivery Time: Helicopter pick-ups are every 2 weeks, so plus cargo train time, allow up to 17 days.

Ideal for: When three horns just aren’t enough.

Today I wanted to profile the dinosaur most requested for kid’s birthday parties on our sister site shipdinosaurs.com … the cute and cuddly Tyrannosaurus.

(Ty-ranno-sore-us)

Meaning: Tyrant reptile

Height: 20ft 

Length: 39 ft

Weight: 7.7 tons

Age: 65 million years

Diet: Tyrannosaurus can swallow up to 500lbs of meat in a single bite, so keep those steaks coming. If you’re too squeamish for live food, T-Rex can scavenge, but it can smell meat from miles away so house it as far as possible from the nearest burger joint. However, you can use these smells to lure it into a cage for any medical check-ups. 
Although T-Rex deserves the best, we can’t offer live duck billed Edmontosaurs. Triceratops are popular though, so check with our “dino-donor” team for any newly departed pets, as well as your local zoo. Otherwise, provide a small herd of buffalo every 2 weeks.

Personality: As its full name “Tyrannosaurus Rex” suggests, the T-Rex is the lizard king and wants everyone to know it. Gregarious and quick-moving, it will make itself known to you, your neighbors, and their neighbors by striding around and roaring. It will also lunge for you on sight. With its babies, however, you couldn’t find a more doting parent.

Dino Care: You ordered the best, so it needs the best. You’ll need a whole team to manage this dino.

Speaking of which, its huge fangs will need scrubbing to prevent decay. Tyrannosaurus has a bite four times stronger than a lion’s, so reinforce its pen with steel, concrete and electric fences.Always have rangers with darts on standby. 

Shipping: Your team should accompany us from Montana’s Hell Creek Formation so they get to know the animal. We dart all Tyrannosaurs before travel as a precaution, and transport them by air or sea with a military escort.

Delivery Time: Your naval or air force contact will confirm, but on average 24 hours by cargo plane, 3 days by sea. We recommend night landings for fewer innocent bystanders.

Ideal for: Maximum terror; or for starting your own “dino zoo”. That would never go wrong.

Today I wanted to profile one of the most popular dinosaurs sold on our sister site shipdinosaurs.com… the cuddly concavenator.

(Con-kah-ven-ate-or)

Height: 6ft

Length: 13ft

Weight: 2-3 tons

Age: 130 million years

Diet: Iguanadontid steaks like Delapparentia are hard to come by, so try a balanced diet of steer or even alligator. It goes with the swamp, after all!

After taking in the sharp teeth, claws, and 16 inch hump toward the end of its back, you’ll notice Concavenator also has strange feathery bumps on its arms!

Personality: It may seem “shy”, but don’t be fooled – it’s hiding so it can eat you. It dislikes all contact with humans, so will glare at you even when darted.

Dino Care: Everyone wants the Everglades in their backyard, and Concavenator gives you an excuse. It prefers warm, woody wetlands where it can ambush its prey, so tether live food or enrichment toys near the thickest brush. Any indoor space will need a high ceiling for its hump. We recommend setting up night vision and camera traps in its enclosure to check its welfare. (Before you release it, obviously.)

Shipping: Due to a logistics error, we discovered Concavenator can be shipped long haul with a short haul amount of food, possibly due to it storing fat in its hump. Sending it via freight train from central Spain and then shipping container works best, due to fewer human passengers and staff.

Delivery Time: 3 days via cargo plane (quicker, but more expensive and dino closer to humans); 17 days via freight train and sea (preferred: less contact, more evacuation options).

Ideal for: A rare but show-stopping glimpse; eating trespassers.

Day in the Life of a Dinosaur Dispatcher (Part 2)

We followed Dina, dispatch agent, to find out what a typical day for her is like. Will dispatcher Dina get her lunch, or be someone else’s?

11:15am

I was about to tuck into my soup and fish fingers when a guy in a hazmat suit stumbled in with a dog leash. He handed me a note from Don that identified him as the new intern, Russ. I ask why the yellow plastic getup. He gasps “dilophosaur delivery” through his mask. I sigh and tell him to go change, reminding him that dilophosaurs don’t actually spit and a German Shepherd leash won’t fit an animal 19ft long. Don was clearly playing some sort of prank on the newbie. Russ clumsily knocked my food to the floor as he waddled out.

11:16am

No time for clean-up because Trey is in a panic again. He misread the kibble label – although our stegosaurs will be okay on the flight, our stegoceras, which have bony skulls 2 inches thick, are now full of steroids and might ram the fence with their heads. I’d better go take a look.

11:25am

All good – I forgot we reinforced that pen after the ankylosaur breakout last year. Zuul ankylosaurs aren’t called the “shin-destroyers” for nothing. Their club tails are over seven feet long! No one actually knows if stegoceras head-butt their enclosures, but I’ve assigned Trey to keep watch of the new arrivals.

11:35am

I came back to the canteen to find my food disappearing down the neck of a pteranodon that’s somehow on the loose. Thankfully it’s juvenile with an adorable 9ft wingspan, but it could still squeeze in the lunch room and snatch my fish fingers. The pteranodons love fried fish, but it is terrible for them. I don’t want to tranquilize it if we can avoid it, because it’s only 25kg. We’ll have to lasso its beak and throw a big blanket over it. It’s about the size of a German Shepherd, so maybe Russ can help after all!

2:05pm

The pteranodon has finally calmed down, but it took me, Sara, Don and Trey to pin its wings under the blanket. Russ looks pleased we used his leash, but I haven’t forgiven him for my lunch.

2:56pm

Good news! The warehouse next door has delivered scales for our brachiosaurus. It’s good for up to 80 tons, which is great because this one is only 65. We can now ship her on schedule!

4:30pm

Or not. Our sauropod crate is good for a 90ft by 13ft diplodocus, but our brachiosaurus is 82ft by 30ft. We’ll have to slide the lid back a little.

5:32pm

I took a call from a problem utahraptor customer in the Chicago suburbs. Because of previous shipments, his neighbor is wise to us and has placed an electric fence around his home. Don says we should go bigger. We’ve shipped our spinosaurus to an unsuspecting London office already, so that leaves the giganotosaurus. It’s 43ft long, loves to chew on sauropods, and can run up to 31mph. I have visions of it chasing the brachiosaurus shipment that’s finally left. Sara suggests we send them to the customer’s workplace, but it’s a kindergarten and puppy rescue. We’re not monsters.

5:55pm

Eureka! Russ has a genius idea. We’ll send lots of little dinos to fit through the fence. Swift, snappy compsognathus are one of the smallest, and at 5.5kg each they’ll be easier to ship. The customer says, “Perfect! That’ll show him for reporting me to the homeowner’s association.”

It’s a tough job, but happy customers make it all worthwhile.

(republished from our subsidiary shipdinosaurs.com) 

We followed dispatch agent Dina to find out what a typical day wrangling dinosaurs is like.

6:30am

When I clock in first thing the triceratops are typically grouchy and utahraptors hyper. All our animals are

fed before shipment so they’re good and sleepy for the trip, but that means I’m a glorified dinosaur caterer half the time. After downing my coffee,  I still feel sleepy somehow, which is why I try not to make eye contact with the utahraptors.

7:44am

And so begins the first crisis of the day: Trey rushes up and tells me that someone split steroids over the stegasaurus kibble. They’ll be more energetic when they arrive, but we need to make sure they don’t  wake up and try to walk around on the plane. We don’t need another catastrophe like the one we had in May 2011! That one was hard to explain to the NTSB.

9:01am

Our assistant compliance officer Don asks me how we’re going to weigh our brachiosaurus when the scales are broken. It was yesterday’s 76-ton patagotitan that probably did them in. I send him to the warehouse next door with a note asking if they’ve got any dinosaur weighing scales.  In the meantime, Sara asks me to respond about a returned crate. It’s labelled “Triceratops”, but the customer says it’s a teenage torosaurus. Easy mix up to make. The only difference is the lack of a long nasal horn in torosaurus and sometimes juvenile triceratops are late bloomers and haven’t grown into their nasal horn yet.

11:13am

I’m now urgently trying to dole out orders to Sara, but one of the loading machines in the back is making such a racket preparing the crates that I can only hear every third word. Trey appears panicked, yelling that the loading machine isn’t broken, but that there is an escaped Spinosaurus that hasn’t been fed yet! The 59 foot long semi-aquatic predator is now top priority. Its 7 ft sail is stuck in the door to the lunchroom and the hungry reptile is moaning in hunger and pain. The sail is full of tiny nerves as it is used for thermal regulation and quite tender. Luckily the frustrated animal isn’t able to squeeze into the lunchroom, so my carefully packed lunch of fish fingers and pea soup is safe! Sara calmly unloads three tranquilizer darts into the Spinosaurus. Trey then gingerly wraps the animal in a harness as I bring the fork lift over to get the 49 foot therapod back in its crate. I left it with its typical mid-day meal… two bathtubs full of farm raised salmon and squid. This time I made sure the crate was secured and loaded it onto the departing container ship myself. Now it is someone else’s problem. Time for my well-deserved pea soup!